Monday, December 27, 2010

Taylor made this for me

She is the best!

WEB SERIES YOU NEED TO SEE: Welcome To Our House


Actually, you should probably see everything that Julie Klausner and Jackie Clarke have ever made together, check it out on JulieandJackie.com. This web series is a spoof on 80s soap star Brenda Dickinson's "Welcome to My Home" which will make total sense of their naming the second episode "Excuhcise" because she actually pronounced it like that. They are my new comedy heroes and they make me so jealous that I've never chosen a female friend to have comedy ideas with that actually ever panned out, especially when they made a silly fun powerpoint show together for their live show OBSESSED, for which they are nominated for some sort of award for best hosts, and if you take a look at the list of the comedians they've had as past guests for that one, you'll know why without even having to see any of the show...it sounds amazing, and if anyone wants to take me to see it, I'm in.

I found out about Julie Klausner from some other comedian retweeting her adorably self-deprecating tweet about her book being on sale for $6 on Amazon and took her up on the suggestion to buy it for friends-- and just like the sucker I am for puppies and cats and pouty girls with bangs, I clicked the link and thought just by the title "I Don't Care About Your Band: What I learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, Felons, and Other Guys I've Dated" that I would at least get a kick out of it, so I bought one for my friend for her bday and kept the other to read myself!


The verdict is that, from 2 pages in to 200 pages in: I LOVE it. I love Julie Klausner! I'm not the only one, either...her site says that HBO is optioning out her book and maybe Lizzie Caplan (Party Down) will be in it! There is a blurb on the back of the book that says "--the kind of writing where you mean to underline your very favorite lines only to find you've underlined everything."

I can safely admit that on my plane ride to CA, I began underlining or bracketing passages I thought were hilarious or noteworthy by page 64; by page 80 you don't see me go without underlining for more than a few pages between arrows pointing at passages or "HA!" or a heart, star, sad face, or some other emoticon where I am taking notes. If anyone wants to borrow my copy to read you'll have to excuse margin notes such as "AMEN, BITCH" (probably after my complimentary "sorry your flight was delayed and you had to change planes" bloody mary), "PYGMALION COMPLEX!",  "WOAH HEAVY", "UGH", "HAHAHAHAHA FAMILIAR", "mini behr hehe", "SECRETARY", question marks or words circled when she uses a word I don't know or makes a cultural reference that I'd like to look into later, and arithmatic calculating an age disparity she speaks of so I can calculate how old she is my senior. Anyways, the point is that I'm so excited for her success and I can't wait to see what she and Jackie do as best friends and comedy partners in the future! Here's the rest of their Welcome to Our House series, and watch out for episode four, it might not make much sense until you watch this 60s antidrug short film about a girl who takes LSD and thinks her hot dog has come to life. ENJOY!





Sunday, December 26, 2010

My family's dog blends in with the couch pillows

My friend Vince (6 days apart, friends since we were 13, used to come over every day after school til we moved to OC) was taken aback that it was the SAME DOG! She's a tiny little old growlie girl. I still want to get her a dog snuggie so bad!

Kitty Cursor Nose

I can't even tell if these are funny anymore...

I hung out with my friend Vince who I've been friends with since we were 13 and are 6 days apart (who so kindly picked me up from the airport and hung out with my family for pretty much 2 days) and we spent a good chunk of time the other afternoon looking at Inspirational poster spoofs, mostly having to do with Chris Hansen of "To Catch A Predator" fame. My dad brought us Chinese takeout after his water aerobics class and we all watched 30 Rock episodes with my parents and brother and brother's girlfriend LeeAr. LeeAr is going to put feather extensions in my hair and I am going to dye them crazy colors before we do it! She's also going to do my roots YAY! It was kind of like being 14 again only no one got upset that Vince was spending the night and Ryan has a girlfriend and I didn't scream at him to get out of my room and we have faster internet.

click the after the jump to view all the Chris Hansen Posters...

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Single Topic Blog Alert: WHEN PARENTS TEXT

This one is perfect for staying at my parents' house for the holidays. I keep laughing out loud and then feeling horrible for explaining to my mom that I'm laughing at moms and dads using technology since she is so tech savvy but also constantly thinking that she is the butt of every joke. Aw, poor mommy. Here are my two faves since I've read a few of the pages of When Parents Text, alternately titled (by me) SMART DAD, UNINTENTIONALLY KINKY DAD.
CHECK IT OUT: [WHEN PARENTS TEXT]

It wouldn't let me answer innappropriately

My brother and I got my mom "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" for her Wii and when this question came up I blurted out "sex with a gay man"...Woops.

I have the same shoes...

CUTE ALERT: Greyhound Jockeys!

Even though it was probably just as cruel as regular greyhound racing, I have recently hung out with my friend Joe W's greyhounds (Simple and Dyna, rescued racers) twice so far and I've never seen anything like them, I keep calling them aliens because they don't act or move like any dog I've ever seen! Gentle and obedient giants! Last year I went to the Soulard Mardi Gras Dog Parade [MY PICS HERE] and I had so much fun I don't think I've ever squealed so much in my life, there was too much cuteness going on!


This year I'm determined to make costumes for at the very least both greyhounds; one of them is going to be carrying a tiny stuffed animal monkey jockey (kind of like this one) and the other one will be carrying an alien jockey and have some sort of element that suggests the aliens in ancient Egypt conspiracies, inspired by my friend Ann Wells' pyramid head costume from a few years ago:
Don't you think a greyhound would look cool with that costume, complete with a neon green alien on it's back? I'll show you the dogs before I show you more pictures of greyhound jockeys:







Monkey on a Tall Bike

A DOG WITH SUNGLASSES FOR A VERY MERRY OC XMAS

Yesterday Christine P (pictured, isn't she pretty?) and I went to go visit my brother and give him brunch at work since he had to work on Xmas Eve, and look at the instore graphics, they are SO SoCal it's not even funny...just look at that girl with a Chihuaua in her purse and texting... just goin' to Taco Bell on her Bluetooth, which is incidentally what a friend of mine's impression of Christine P consists of ever since she heard me talking on the phone with her over speakerphone. On the way there, we stopped to take pictures of this dog with sunglasses. These beach bums were very nice, they asked if we were running out of gas and if everything was okay, and then happily obliged that I wanted to take a picture of his dog!

A VERY OC XMAS



Yesterday I saw the Grinch and he posed for me...but my real concern is, where does anyone have enough money to have a ROLEX BLOWOUT other than Orange County? MERRY XMAS! Anyone remember last year when I posed with him?

This very yummy and colorful soup I made

If you happen to be one of my OC friends we have so much of this soup you are welcome to some of it, bring a tupperware over...but not if you're vegetarian, this soup has got some pork belly in it. Merry Xmas.

Monday, December 20, 2010

FINALLY, I GET TO SUBMIT TO WE HAVE LASERS!



[WE HAVE LASERS!!!!!!]
Found this single topic blog in summer of 2009 and was sure I'd never gotten a laser portrait taken and was super jealous that I'd never be able to submit to it. Then I find this! 10th grade homecoming dance, Fall 2001, age 15, where I went stag to the dance because I'd just moved there from Reno about a month before and only had a few friends, one of which made me go third wheel on her date with my good friend Edbury and a pretty much every other redheaded punkish boy in our high school because she was afraid they were going to smoke pot in the limo. For the record, they did not. Aw, my dad probably got that corsage for me so I wasn't left out. I can't tell if that's sad or nice.
UPDATE: [THEY POSTED IT] and [MY FRIEND JUSTIN SENT ONE TOO]

Stop sending me ugly recycled emails every day.

I was feeling kind of crabby today, and really friggin sick of getting an email from Nieman Marcus every day when I don't ever shop there, and they recycle the same email graphics over and over and STILL think it's ok to send it "2-4 times a week" (read: every day) and they are so ugly I finally just unsubscribed. Here's a screenshot of what I said to them because I thought it was funny and kind of catty:

The only reason I am subscribed to so many shops email lists are that I used to do email marketing for a women's boutique and so I was seeing what was popular to do and keeping up on trends of what's ugly and what's not but I haven't gotten any freelance email marketing work because I haven't sought out any new clients since I've been busy with my semester, so I'm lenient about what I look at in my email box, even with the ugly or boring ones, so I can see what's effective/ineffective, and I couldn't take it anymore. Here's an example of the one I complained about in my feedback of why I unsubscribed:

I get to go home to CA for Xmas + New Years today



Slade's "Merry Xmas Everyone" and The Kinks' "Father Christmas" are my two favorite Xmas songs two years in a row.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I think my mom might've secretly invented the groupon

Or at least she totally knows how to find Internet deals so easily and awesomely that she probably could make the best online coupon site ever! She's got the know-how! It's awesome she mailed these to me, but really unfortunate that the mail carrier seems to have dropped them off a full 5 days after they already expired, which makes me sad because these are all coupons for places I actually go to! Here I was all ready to go vintage shopping, Vietnamese food eating, karaokeing, coffee shoppin, out to lunch with my friends that work in maplewood and impress them all with a discounted check, and top it off with margaritas at el maguey, but now I can't because they're already expired. Frown. Maybe there is some way to remedy this if she paid for them...hmmm.

Do you think my nephews and teenage cousins would be pissed or psyched if I joked that this is what they're getting for Xmas?

Does anyone ACTUALLY like Criss Angel Mindfreak? I just saw a late night infomercial advertising that he came out with a MAGIC KIT...and as a bonus you get a DVD that teaches you how to levitate? I levitated last night, when my friend who is like 6' 5" and strong like Paul Bunyan picked me up and put me on his shoulder like I was a tiny person! I want to watch the levitation DVD just for the hell of it, but if it has the same annoying music and voices as this commercial does...I don't wanna watch it.

I will say that I love that there are so many instances of impressing girls in this infomercial! Pretty funny! The HSN lady also seems succeptible to his flirting with magic...if you have never seen the Everything Is Terrible! 'Flirting With Magic' video...you are sorely missing out. Why are HSN ladies all in love with Criss Angel?

I think we need to make this a "thing" that if you have a teenager or you know a teenager (let's even go the extra mile and say tween to twenty) you should buy them this magic kit like you think it's the hippest thing for their age group and they are going to be so excited when they find out what it is, it's going to impress all the girls at school, and then when they open it up and find out that this is a magic kit with stupid criss angel graphics, I wanna see teenagers making pissed off detailed reviews broadcasted from their bedrooms about what a shitty gift their aunt/parents/older cousin they thought was cool until this horrible missing the mark gift choice and posting them on youtube so that it can come full circle and we can laugh at their funny videos. MAGIC IS POWER. LET'S RICKROLL SOME TEENAGERS via bad Xmas gifts.

Ps- to any of my actual teenage cousins/nephews...If you're reading this I've obviously ruined the surprise, and I have wayyyyy too many cousins to ever afford to buy more than one, but if you promise to make a video review of this product, or wait long enough that it could be found in a thrift store (maybe my 8 year old cousin? jk) I can maybe consider actually gifting it to you. But only if you make a video that is either taking yourself as seriously as this kid in the 1st below video (it seems like he is tamping a pack of cigarettes like does anyone remember that anti smoking ad that shows a guy doing this and turns into a chimp? I can't find it on youtube) or you can act like you hate it and everything sucks just like your teenage life, or if you make a video like this kid in the 2nd below video, whose levitation seems actually plausible (!?) then we will have succeeded, even if it is only to get a laugh out of our uncles.
[CHECK THE WEBSITE]
 

How much is that doggie in the window? The ones that make up a belt...?

Uhhh...what were they thinking? "Mannequins and puppies! That's it! That's our holiday window!" This is an adult women's clothing store...WTF is that concept?! Who the hell thought it was cool or nice looking just to shove a bunch of identical stuffed animal St Bernard puppies into purses and in a chain around the mannequins and that would be enough for the most extravagant window styling shopping heavy season of the year?

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON: JUST BELT IT...WITH PUPPIES!
Now let's lighten the mood. Fran and I went into J Crew a few doors down because their window displays were fucking amazing and sparkly and worth posting about in all seriousness. I wonder if they hired the people who made all the tour decorations for the band Beach House...CONFETTI SYSTEM decoration designers...check out amazing studio visits with them [HERE ON SIGHT UNSEEN] and [HERE ON THE SELBY

I GUESS MY HUNCH WAS CORRECTOMUNDO because [HERE] is an article where Interview Magazine did a piece on them doing the J Crew Window displays for the holiday season nationwide! Hooray! Makes me want to pick up making piñatas again! I love making piñatas it is so much fun. I really am curious about how they go about making the tassels though, the roped parts at the top are so beautiful...I kind of want this one hanging in my bedroom. I think I'm going to hang a bunch of the diamonds and piñatas Ali and I made together from my ceiling as a compromise in being steep in price, because they are way too cool to just sit in a closet. I don't know if my step ladder is tall enough to get up there to hang them, but it will look so cool I will have to do it.
Here's a pic Fran took with one of her many awesome iPhone camera effects apps of the same window display...She has a whole Tumblr blog dedicated to pictures she takes on her iPhone, I wish blogger would get an iPhone app like Tumblr...[CMYF]

Friday, December 17, 2010

My cats are so cold they are holding hands

Little Big Planet


Does it make me a bad friend or an awesome friend that I know 2 friends with PS3 systems with birthdays coming up after the new year (you guys know who you are) and I am selfishly tempted to buy them both an extra controller and Little Big Planet the game so that I can go over to their houses to play this game? Plus, it looks like LBP's price dropped since LBP2 came out, which is what the below trailer is for.

It is so cool, I just played it for the first time after watching Mariah play it a ton last year with everyone but me (she is really good and fast at video games and I'm afraid she would get mad at me if I played with her and was slow) and finally got to play it with my friend's 6 year old Jett who had a little big planet cake at his birthday party! Aside from him telling me he did not like me when I died too much and his dad reminding him to share turns with me, we had a very fun time. In the game, you work together instead of playing against one another and you collect stickers and decorate your room and use jetpacks and have races and it's just so cool. I want to make LBP avatars all day every day.
What is Little Big Planet??

Last Chance: "Which Witch is Which and/or Summertime" ends this Saturday at White Flag Projects




Receptions sponsored in part by Schlafly Beer | Follow us on the St. Louis Art Map | Follow us on Twitter & Facebook
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   314.531.3442| Join Our Mailing List: www.white-flag-projects.org 
 

Lucky for you, I am working that day. I have to go to a medical study I agreed to do for part of the day, but otherwise you should come see this NSFW show and I will show you some of the exhibit-- which I admittedly know surprisingly little about since I've had a busy month in school and I've been doing mostly clerical work there lately--but I liked at least three or more of the artists and the curator has come to be a friend, and it's hung beautifully...in more ways than one now that I think about it. (Now I feel creepy for saying that.) We are open today and tomorrow 12-5pm.

One of those ways is Leigh Ledare's work, which I had to stand through and flip through with about a bazillion strange men and then I didn't even get to talk with him about his work (or his moustache!) after the reception. It was definitely the first time I met someone, shook their hand, and then within hours saw pornographic photos of his mother (one of which is fully like high heels touching spread and inviting) and others of him (one of which he is full-frontal nude in the shower, and another where his penis is fully erect and he is invitingly lounging on a bed) and we have had about a bazillion creepy mailmen, guys with say, drywall quotes, and whoever else comes through the gallery pretty much sexually harassing my Assistant Director boss (ie: "yeah this is MY KIND OF ART you guys are showing here!" THAT HAPPENED!) and I'm still really bummed I didn't get to ask him about how this body of work came about at all, because I don't know much about it, but here are some of them, because it's grown on me a lot. Especially this first one with Care Bears in it.

If you're still just as confused as me, read this (semi downer of an) piece the Village Voice did on him [HERE] or one from Black Book [HERE] which I'll excerpt what I think everyone might have an interest in "Ledare, who left home at 15, and was formerly a professional skateboarder (no wonder I liked him) and assistant to photographer-director Larry Clark of KIDS fame, says the camera provides needed distance between him and his mother and, conversely, serves as a catalyst 'to sort of push the relationship.'” Enjoy, and for your convenience, I've done my very first ever "after the jump" page break so that you will have to click the link below the first tame image in order to view the more Not Safe For Work ones, and to finish reading what I wrote about the show...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I'd buy this art!

Giuseppe Stampone, Passepartout automatico, 2009
I have a thing for old slot machines since I grew up around them in Reno, NV. I love the pull lever and the spinning, and a story my dad's friend Jeff told us about being a kid in Reno and how "the rules were so much looser back when we were kids" and how they'd put money in and pull the lever and then run as fast as they could so they wouldn't get caught, but one time when they hit the jackpot which, in turn started a huge dispute between he and his friends and the over legal age guy trying to claim THEIR jackpot! I would probably still crack up if he told me that story today.

Most of all I love the noises they make when there are a bunch of them around remind me of a strong feeling of home and specifically the Reno/Tahoe International Airport. I want to go visit my sister really bad lately. Maybe my mom and I will have to plan a trip to see Caryn and B and my two nephews Brendan (who is 16 and just became an Eagle Scout!) and Brian (who will be 22 this January omg!) and my old friends and their moms that in most cases I liked talking to them just as much as their daughters my age. hehe.

Taylor's email made me laugh this morning

this is cute ... but would probably be kinda sad to look at when you were done if it was filled with sad faces. 

[Life Calender How Was Your Day?]

 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I just joined bloglovin for easy following, link soon!

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Just $27.50 You'll Look Good in the CITY! aka if you live in st louis you're probably going to want to watch and repost this.

WOW my friend Ksteg is a genius at awesome internetting! Vintage St Louis commercial for a black barbershop for bouncy bouncy curls for bouncy bouncy girls. I wonder what became of this hairdresser...

URGENT URGENT URGENT (by Foreigner)

I hate school, I wish I had an extra week to do everything and I wish I did not have to go to target to pick up my rx so I can stop fidgeting and getting distracted by awesome animated gifs and focus on getting my work done. In thinking up a theme song for today, a fitting Foreigner's 'URGENT'...I found an awesome stickman literal animation for everyone to enjoy. It definitely lightened the mood to a stressful day.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

PIXELFUCKS.COM More animated gifs, sorry.

I'm supposed to be making animated gifs and instead all I can do is look at them. My Rx really needs to get in the mail faster so I can FOCUS on anything. Anyways, here are 3 gifs from this website called Pixelfucks that I thought would go really nice together. I like their style, and I love their captions. The one of the cat sitting on top of the puking guy says "DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK." haha
[PIXELFUCKS]

Almost as good as connect the dots porn drippy tongue





via my new girlcrush, pictured above in the gif about welcome to my internet blog site. she made all the gifs in this post and she pretty much rules from what I can tell.
SEX AND KITTENZ 4 EVER, i love that she had a post that said "Now accepting bf applications." My friend recently filled the position. If I did that I do not think I would necessarily get the desired response.
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