Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year

I recently reconnected with an old friend who told me she's lucky she's not in jail for the stuff she did to me before she moved away to rehab and got sober (she's right, but amends and forgiveness don't have to come til later, we're just taking it slow and keeping it light because we just started talking again for the first time in about a year) and it's her birthday today. So, in honor of her bday and her love for sassy funny black women, I made this animated gif from "Mo'Nique: I Coulda Been Your Cellmate" after I watched the tearful but intriguing "Mo'Nique: Behind Bars" where she interviews ladies locked up who all sound like they have had a LOT of therapy in prison...that part is great and tear inducing and touching, but is it fucked up that I thought the loving supportive Mo'Nique was funnier during this than most of her standup performance? She wears a ridiculous blanket on her lap like FDR and cries a lot and assures things like "I'm right here wichyoo baby" and "sexual abuse is a BITCH" and gives a ton of advice and walks toward the camera like the host of "Unsolved Mysteries" and I don't know why that all makes me laugh. I hope are as good as the birthday flowers she got from another friend yesterday.

PS- how ridiculous and simultaneously amazing is that bedazzled and shredded prison jumpsuit?

PPS- I'm pretty sure that in the clip I took this from she is making a joke about the inmates getting a ticket for havin sex with theyselves and how could they prevent us from touchin owselves and then she goes, "WE WOMEN ARE SEXUAL BEINGS!" while shaking it and saying things like "bitch, I see you, bitch" so many times that Ann and I determined there would be NO WAY to count how many times she says bitch. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have fun at your ghetto NA dance and take pics! I almost photoshopped the birthday girl's face onto Mo'Nique because I think she'd appreciate that I think if she put on a fat suit and blackface, she'd basically be Mo'Nique.

Friday, December 30, 2011


If that didn't whet yer whistle...the remix will surely crack you up. I hate to say this (or maybe not?) but RØB my bowling captain the pancake master should really cover/parody this in his googleplexia act.

My friend TJ showed me this tonight which reminded me of this one time I was in 1st or 2nd grade and our teacher handed us all a bunch of saltines to stuff our mouths with and told us that it was a whistling contest and the first one to whistle wins....and guess what? I WON...however, I will never be as good as this guy. The crowd reactions are so baffling (why are there kids in the audience in this fancy lady hosted daytime talk show? why are they so confused and bored looking?) that I had to take screenshots and post them here for you all to see.

PS- I can swear that one of my friends might turn into this guy or at least aspire to be more like him. Hint: he is a homeowner that names his house and all his pets after himself. I can only imagine what would happen if he took a wife...what name would he make her take?

PS- Is that SOLI?????

Chubby baby in a super mario costume alert!


Taylor sent me this great tumblr dedicated to shots of Lisa Simpson and literary references from Simpsons episodes. So great. I don't even have to tell you how rad it is. My sister Caryn and family will LOVE this.
Here's my book:

My new vanity plate

Just kidding, but thanks to my friend Christine who just texted this to me from her San Fran vacay and said she asked the people inside what their favorite karaoke number is and they replied, "we've got tonight" and I'm going to assume they mean the Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton duet version, or maybe the Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton version? Bob Seger anyone?

Monday, December 26, 2011

Chubby Xmas Cookies

Occupy OkCupid

Funny autocorrect mishap I made to a friend

The Donahue mac chop shop

For Xmas my dad upgraded my brother's and my laptops' memory and storage to a solid state drive. I went from 2 GB to 4 GB of RAM, and a 120 GB HD to a 256 GB solid state drive. So awesome. Now it runs just as fast as my BRAND NEW iMac at work! We refurbished a refurb!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Have you ever heard of a hoodie footie?

Tiffany's dad got her a pajama gram for her birthday one year and it arrived in a big pink hat box on her doorstep. Who knew that years later she'd meet a friend with hair the exact color of said pajamas? Unlike the forever lazy, which I've mentioned before in a previous post, it does not have "an escape hatch" but it does have footies with skid protection that you can zip on and off! We were watching most of season one of HBO's Game of Thrones, and we stayed up so late that yes, I did indeed fall asleep in these jammies. Sweet dreams and glitter moons!

Update: RØB sent me this comic in relation to the photo above. Twinsies!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Smush Faced Heaven

Found via Four Four's "Kitty Pride" tag, who had this to meep:
"This was my favorite part of a show that I'm not embarrassed to say I watched and loved last night, Animal Planet's Too Cute! Kittens. I will never scrub from my head the image of these Persian kittens meep-meeping their distress at a rambunctious pug puppy, and you know what? I don't want to scrub that image from my head. They are such brats! I am such a cat lady. Life is good."

ALSO: A single topic blog dedicated to smushed faced animals:

Thursday, December 8, 2011

KING KHAN (and who knows what their backing band is calling themselves these days?)

Speaking of my nails, part of the reason I didn't take a picture of them was that I painted them right before running out the door to go to Off Broadway to see King Khan play, so I kind of smeared them right away. It was an amazing show, energetic and entertaining as usual, and Worful took these great pictures of Christine, Emily, and others dancing around the upright bass player when he came to shred in the audience! I've got to say, Christine is looking like a famous rock star in pictures lately, I wonder what her secret is. This reminds me, I really am behind on posting highlights from our recent weekend trip to Nashville with EIGHT LADIES. Spoiler alert: We honky tonked and karaoke'd our hearts out till we got kicked out. Beyond that, the pictures kind of speak for themselves, so I'll post some of them when I get a chance. Also, as a last note, how weird is it to see a picture of me in Black and White, where my highlighter pink hair and GOLD pants are totally muted?

My nails were tweeted by cutex hehe

Ok, so to be fair, I admit I know two copywriters that tweet for them, so for them to tweet my nails, that just means I totally get to geek out on nail polish with them all the more! I'm glad she took the picture, because I actually didn't get around to thinking about taking a pic of the stripey neon ombre I've got going right now until it already started chipping, but now that I've shared it, I think I can start fresh and do something cool for my work holiday party tomorrow.
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